The myth of male fortitude: why men also need to cry
The idea that “boys don’t cry” in our culture is taught from a young age. Boys are taught phrases like “being strong,” “men don’t show weakness,” and even “crying for girls.” These beliefs not only inhibit their ability to express their feelings, but also have a negative impact on their mental health and relationships.
The impact on men’s mental health
Because of the need to suppress feelings of power, many men suppress feelings such as depression, helplessness, or fear. According to a study published in the American Journal of Men’s Health, men who avoid expressing their feelings are more likely to have anxiety, depression, and substance abuse problems. In many cases, the lack of emotional expression leads to a ‘different issue’: anger, which is considered a positive emotion for male behavior. In addition, the suicide rate for men is higher than that of women in almost every country in the world. According to data from the World Health Organization (WHO), 75% of suicides in Europe are men. One of the main reasons is the lack of tools to manage and express their emotions.
How does this affect women
The impact of this situation is not limited to men. Women, especially those who are with men (partners, wives, mothers or friends), can also be affected by the consequences. When people are unable to open up emotionally, it creates a social barrier, makes communication difficult, and causes frustration on both sides. In addition, the very ‘power’ of men can reinforce women’s toxic behavior, as emotional feelings turn into aggressive behavior, if they are unable to empathize with the suffering of others.
The need to break the cycle
It is important to examine this situation. Showing emotions is not a sign of weakness, but a part of being human. There are good examples in popular culture, such as the Ted Lasso method, that help to change this perception. Through Jamie Tartt’s character, we see that openness and vulnerability enrich not only her personal life, but also her relationships with others and her professional work. In educational and social settings, it is important to create spaces where men can explore their feelings without fear of judgment. Research published in the Journal of Counseling Psychology shows that men who participate in emotional support groups have higher self-esteem and reduced symptoms of depression.
How we can contribute to change
Change starts at home, at school, and at work. Teaching boys that it’s okay to cry, that expressing their feelings is not the same, and giving boys role models who accept their weaknesses is a big step. Additionally, opening up about men’s mental health, without shame or judgment, can heal and strengthen relationships. Breaking the stereotype of ‘male toughness’ is not just a matter of social justice; it is an act of love for men and those around them. Because at the end of the day, we all have the right to feel and be heard, regardless of our gender.
References:
Green, J. D., Kearns, J. C., Ledoux, A. M., Addis, M. E., & Marx, B. P. (2015). The Association between Masculinity and Nonsuicidal Self-Injury. American Journal of Men S Health, 12(1), 30–40. https://doi.org/10.1177/1557988315624508
Hunt, B. (Executive Producer). (2020-2023). Ted Lasso [TV Series]. Ruby’s Tuna; Universal Television; Doozer; Warner Bros. Television
Men: A different Depression. (2005, July 14). https://www.apa.org. https://www.apa.org/topics/men-boys/depression
Rich, J. D., Jr PhD. (2018, March 21). Don’t accept a narrow definition of masculinity. Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/parenting-purpose/201803/strict-gender-roles-hurt-men-too
