Over the years, male friendships have been characterised by unspoken rules that restrict the expression of emotions and reinforce the notion that support between friends should take the form of jokes, rivalry or simply ‘being present’ without the need to express emotions. This dynamic, often referred to as the bro code, has promoted superficial relationships where vulnerability and emotional support were interpreted as indicators of vulnerability. In recent years, however, we have seen a transformation: men are beginning to reconsider how they relate to their friends and to establish more authentic and empathetic connections.
The bro code problem
The conventional bro code states that men should at all costs avoid vulnerability. Expressions such as ‘men don’t cry’, ‘don’t be fragile’ or ‘stand like a man’ have been used to reduce emotions and reinforce a perception of masculinity based on strength and detachment. These rules have been maintained in popular culture through films, series and social media, in which masculinity is linked to independence and the absence of emotional expression.
This resistance in friendships with men is not harmless. According to research by the World Health Organisation, men are more likely to suffer from problems such as anxiety and depression alone, as they have been socialised to avoid seeking help. This results in increased rates of suicide among men and problems managing emotional relationships and emotional conflict.
A new model of male friendship
In the Emotional Respectful Men (ERM) project, we have focused on the relevance of reconfiguring male friendships as a safe place where expressing emotions, asking for help and offering support does not generate shame. Through workshops and activities with young men, we have observed that an increasing number of men are willing to change the way they interact with their friends, but often do not know how to do so.
In our sessions, we have addressed strategies for developing healthy friendships based on three key pillars: normalising vulnerability, shifting from implicit to explicit support, and creating safe spaces for conversation.
Conclusion: change starts in the everyday
The transition from bro code to true emotional support does not require major actions, but minimal modifications in the way men relate to each other. Questioning a friend about his emotions, confirming his feelings, and providing non-judgmental support are actions that can define a friendship.
At Emotional Respectful Men, we remain committed to changing masculinity through emotional education and fostering healthier relationships. Because being a man doesn’t mean carrying everything by yourself; it also means learning to lean on others.
